The Trouble with Old Appetites

It is interesting to me how we recognize things around us more clearly when they are fresh on our minds. For example when you get a new vehicle you suddenly notice all of the other vehicles on the road that are exactly like yours. You find yourself thinking that you must have good taste since everyone seems to have the car you chose. Why did I never notice all of those cars before? They were always there, I just didn't possess one so I never paid them any attention. I feel like a similar "recognition" has been happening to me since I've acknowledged my lack of contentment issue. My Beth Moore study segment for this week has really spoken to me on this issue. I have been listening to an alternative christian rock station here this week that has had several mini messages on contentment...things that I'm sure are regular messages for them but things that wouldn't have caught my attention before. I have found several scriptures this week that I have wondered why I never discovered before in previous reading. I know...God is hard at work and I am very excited.
As I was driving around town the other day I started having a lot of memories from high school floating around in my mind. I started thinking about all my old friends and all the dreams we had for ourselves. I wondered what it would be like if I was suddenly transported back in time to my senior year knowing everything I know now. The first thing I starting thinking of was all the things I would change about my life, but as I really remembered all of my teenage hopes it occured to me that God has answered most all of my heart's desires since that time. I grew up with a very secure and loving family environment, but I had so many friends who didn't. One of my biggest desires was to have a wonderful, devoted, and loving husband and God more than supplied that for me in Brandon. I always wanted kids and though it seemed for a short time that God had different plans, again I was blessed beyond measure with Peyton and Ryan. I had a desire to be a stay at home mom and God supplied my husband with an awesome job that allows me to do that. I wanted wonderful, close friends who would love me for who I am and although those are few, God has brought me a wonderful "choosen family" that I get to do life with daily. My list could go on and on with all the provisions he has graciously given. I am astonished after realizing all of those things that I struggle being content.
My Beth Moore study this week was very convicting and insightful. This week's lessons focused on the first half of Exodus and the journey into the wilderness for the children of Israel. God was very physically present among his people during this time and through his closeness with these people he tested them often. Beth Moore pointed out that not all of God's tests are hardships, but He often tests us through abundance and prosperity. Personally, I had never acknowledged that revelation before. Usually, I only feel tested when things start to suck! This testing proves our character and Beth went on to say that our character is often at greater risk in prosperity than in adversity. This is a little segment from that lesson:
In the wilderness of sin God set a test before His children. In essence He responded to their grumblings like this: "I have shown you My presence again and again. I have intervened on your behalf with signs and wonders. I have healed your bitter water and have led you to the palms. I have also let you go hungry so that you would know that it is I who feeds you. Now I will put you through the hardest test of all: I will let you grow accustomed to My presence. I will feed you from My table daily and prove who you really are. Will you grow in awe, or will you grow cold?"

Sadly I must say that lately I have grown cold...or lukewarm, which is actually worse. God has provided so much in abundance the past several years. This past year in particular with our move to Hutto and starting this new church. He has been faithful and continues to show up time after time. I expect Him to be there instead of seeking and inviting Him to be there. Just like any romantic relationship needs pursuit to keep the fire going, so does my relationship with God. Gifts received from a stranger or mere aquaintance can easily be thrown away,pushed aside, or taken for granted. Gifts received from a loved one seem to have so much more value because of the heart behind them. Maybe if I valued the Giver of all my blessings a little more my heart would be content. Good things to pray about!