Give Me a Break!

"In every generation there seem to exist certain cliches used by members of the body of Christ. No doubt, on the top of the list for this generation are the words 'I'm under attack!' Every difficulty seems to be labeled 'spiritual warfare.' Without question we fight wars in the heavenlies; but before we can be sure it's spiritual warfare, we must be able to answer three questions negatively: 1. Am I living outside the will of God? 2. Do I have any unconfessed sin? 3. Is God simply working His completion in me? Far more often, our difficulties originate from one of these three realms." - Henry Blackaby

This quote was from my Beth Moore study this week. Right now, we are beginning to construct the tabernacle among this camp of Israelites God has led into the wilderness and the study pointed out that the children of Israel were on the toughest battlefield of their nation's history, facing the most vicious enemy of all: themselves. Satan was not at war with these people during this time although this would have been a very opportune time for him to strike. God was present in so many ways and yet these people struggled!

Romans 7:14-25 (The Message)

14-16 I can anticipate the response that is coming: "I know that all God's commands are spiritual, but I'm not. Isn't this also your experience?" Yes. I'm full of myself—after all, I've spent a long time in sin's prison. What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.

17-20 But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

21-23 It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

24 I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?

25 The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

I know my greatest battle is within myself, the war constantly going on in my mind. It is truely the hardest thing to control...sometimes I feel like I have no control! Beth pointed out that once we know how, we do not hesitate rebuking Satan, because we despise him. On the other hand, we dearly love our own flesh and have far more difficulty rebuking it. I myself have said several times that I feel like Satan is just attacking me right and left, but is he really? I think I do enough to myself that he doesn't have much to stir up. I definately don't investigate the three questions above often enough...how much easier it is just to blame it on "spiritual warfare".

This topic has given me a lot to think about this week. I have been feeling defeated a lot the past 3 weeks. For some reason, our family has just been plagued with sickness. Peyton had the stomach virus, Ryan has had a two week sinus infection, and just 2 days ago Brandon and I both had a vicious stomach virus within the same 24 hour period. That was fun...trying to take care of a 2 year old and 7 month old while taking turns running to the bathroom to vomit! So, I feel like I've aged by a year with the sleep depravation! As I was sitting with Ryan at 3 am this morning trying to get him back to sleep and crying myself, I found myself saying the same prayer I think I've said every night for a month now! "God, please heal my kids, get rid of their sickness, give everyone comfort to sleep peacefully through the night, give me the rest I desparately need and the energy to make it through the day with so little sleep. Please let me sleep and feel rested!" I was getting so frustrated last night thinking why is my prayer falling on deaf ears! I just assumed early this week that obviously God has something big planned for us at the other end of this and Satan is just wearing me down! Maybe Satan isn't even in this picture and I need to spend my awake time (all the time it seems) answering those 3 questions.